As an adult with ADHD and autism (AuDHD), I experience times when I slip into a perfectionistic mindset. This can be particularly challenging at work, as I sometimes hold myself and others to exceptionally high standards. Feedback delivery? Let's just say I'm working on being more constructive and less… intense. This struggle, my friends, is what we call ADHD debilitating perfectionism.
It's tricky. Having high standards is essential, but I’m learning that how I communicate my expectations matters. It’s about finding a balance because it's OK not to be perfect.
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The Why Behind the What: Understanding ADHD Debilitating Perfectionism
If you, like me, grapple with ADHD, you know perfectionism isn’t always about striving for excellence. It’s often about avoiding those oh-so-familiar feelings of inadequacy or shame. It's like we're trying to outrun negative self-talk by chasing the illusion of flawlessness.
But what is it about ADHD that makes perfectionism such a tempting trap? For many of us, it stems from a lifetime of struggling to meet expectations. We’ve faced criticism, maybe even punishment, for things like inattention or making careless mistakes. It’s tough to shake that feeling of not being "good enough."
We then try to overcompensate by setting the bar impossibly high, hoping that achieving perfection will finally shield us from judgment and criticism.
The Downside of ADHD Debilitating Perfectionism
Let’s talk about the impact of striving for perfection. When we let perfectionism take the reins, it can seriously sabotage our work and relationships.
We might find ourselves:
- Delaying and procrastinating on tasks because starting feels overwhelming, and the fear of failure paralyzes us.
- Struggling to delegate tasks. It's gotta be done "right," right?
- Experiencing difficulty completing projects because of a relentless need to tweak and refine until it aligns with that elusive vision of perfection.
- Becoming overly critical of ourselves and others. Harsh feedback becomes second nature, damaging our relationships.
How to Manage ADHD Debilitating Perfectionism
So, how do we break free from this? Trust me, it's possible to embrace our ADHD while setting realistic standards. Here are some helpful things:
1. Reframe "Perfection"
One of the most impactful things is to consciously shift from striving for "perfection" to aiming for "excellence." I ask myself, “What does 'good enough' look like? Does this task need to be absolutely perfect, or is there room for some 'good' flaws?” Redefining what success means helps quiet the inner critic.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
When you’re dealing with ADHD debilitating perfectionism, self-criticism is common. I often find myself caught in a cycle of negative self-talk. But constantly beating ourselves up only feeds the beast. This is why cultivating self-compassion is crucial.
We have to make a conscious effort to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we'd extend to a close friend struggling with similar challenges.
3. Break Tasks Down
ADHD brains can be easily overwhelmed, especially when a task feels large or complex. A game-changer for me has been breaking down large projects into smaller, more manageable chunks.
By focusing on one step at a time, I reduce the feeling of overwhelm and make it easier to start, make progress, and celebrate small wins along the way.
4. Set Realistic Deadlines and Expectations
Time blindness and perfectionism—two peas in a pod that spell trouble for people with ADHD. Time blindness makes it difficult to accurately perceive and manage time, leading to missed deadlines and a distorted sense of time passing.
This often leads to having greater expectations for yourself than what the situation requires. So ditch those impossible-to-meet expectations, OK?
5. Seek Support
Navigating ADHD debilitating perfectionism can feel isolating. Seeking support is vital. Connect with a therapist experienced in ADHD, or join an ADHD support group where you can share your experiences and gain valuable insights from others.
FAQs about debilitating perfectionism in ADHDers
What is maladaptive perfectionism?
Maladaptive perfectionism is a more severe form of perfectionism where your pursuit of flawlessness becomes detrimental. It's marked by extremely high and inflexible standards.
If you experience this you may be very critical of yourself, always focusing on mistakes, tying your self-worth to accomplishments, procrastinating and avoiding tasks due to the fear of not meeting unrealistic standards, and even feeling significant distress or impairment in different areas of your life because of your perfectionism.
How to fix maladaptive perfectionism?
Consider seeking support from a mental health professional experienced in treating perfectionism and conditions like anxiety and OCD, if that applies. They can provide you with evidence-based approaches to manage those relentlessly high standards and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
This journey is unique, and working with a professional can offer personalized strategies to manage your challenges and make sustainable progress.
Conclusion
ADHD debilitating perfectionism is a journey fraught with unique challenges. By understanding the reasons behind this struggle and equipping ourselves with effective strategies for managing the unrelenting demands we place upon ourselves, we can break free from the cycle. As individuals with ADHD, we deserve to live fulfilling lives where excellence coexists alongside compassion, understanding, and a healthy dose of "good enough."
Hi I'm Jeremy, and I understand the challenges of living with ASD and ADHD.
